Every single time I board a plane I have a different feeling, different emotions. Today I just felt like crying. I feel weak. It was my sister’s wedding yesterday and the day before. I don’t feel like leaving just yet.
I never had a close relationship with my sister. I didn’t even know what she was studying in college till after like what, two years? And she didn’t even bother if I’ve won a prize or something. We argued so much, that I asked my dad one day, whether if I could have my degree in KL or overseas, as long as its not in Penang, I don’t want to be with her. Yesterday felt like she’s gone. I’m sure my parents feel the same too, or maybe worse. Sis never did spend much time at home anyway. It wouldn’t have made much difference now that she’s married and no longer staying with us. Its just the thought and the feeling. Her half of her stuff isn’t at home anymore… I’m not sure if it’s correct to call her room, her room anymore.
The past 2 days have been one of my greatest and happiest days in life. I was doing what I love. I planned half of the dinner, the other half is because I wasn’t in penang, and also because I couldn’t be making any decisions cause dad mom and sis all have their own opinions. Anyway planning and organizing half of the wedding felt good. And I wanted more. i’ve always wanted to be a wedding planner since my college years. Saying that I wanna be one and actually trying is a whole different story. I love to be frustrated over the flowers not being done on schedule and I had tos cream at the florist. I love to be in charge of the program, a little more practice and experience could get me to make more of my own decisions. Like, I didn’t know if it is better to have the dishes served before or after a program and all. Only people who have experienced it could make that decision.
I was the emcee for the night, on short notice and I was making a fuss out of it while preparing the dinner time table. But that’s just me being me. On such short notice I had to say “what, who? Me? I cant lah”. But actually I can. The last time I was an emcee for the anniversary charity dinner, it was a disaster. I’ve been traumatized ever since, exaggeratively. But I like speaking in public. Not cause I’m like some attention whore, cause I’m not. But I’ve been having thoughts of being a host or an emcee as a profession. In Penang or Malaysia of course. I’m not confident enough in Australia. Dad kept hinting me to get PR in Australia. But I;m not sure if I really want to. I understand why he’s asking me to get PR in Australia but it might not be what I want, or where I see myself to be in 5 years from now.
I wanna be in events screaming at people, bossing people around to get projects and events done on schedule. Stressing over stuff like this is actually fun.
Every single time I board a plane I have a different feeling, different emotions. Today I just felt like crying. I feel weak. It was my sister’s wedding yesterday and the day before. I don’t feel like leaving just yet.
I never had a close relationship with my sister. I didn’t even know what she was studying in college till after like what, two years? And she didn’t even bother if I’ve won a prize or something. We argued so much, that I asked my dad one day, whether if I could have my degree in KL or overseas, as long as its not in Penang, I don’t want to be with her. Yesterday felt like she’s gone. I’m sure my parents feel the same too, or maybe worse. Sis never did spend much time at home anyway. It wouldn’t have made much difference now that she’s married and no longer staying with us. Its just the thought and the feeling. Her half of her stuff isn’t at home anymore… I’m not sure if it’s correct to call her room, her room anymore.
The past 2 days have been one of my greatest and happiest days in life. I was doing what I love. I planned half of the dinner, the other half is because I wasn’t in penang, and also because I couldn’t be making any decisions cause dad mom and sis all have their own opinions. Anyway planning and organizing half of the wedding felt good. And I wanted more. i’ve always wanted to be a wedding planner since my college years. Saying that I wanna be one and actually trying is a whole different story. I love to be frustrated over the flowers not being done on schedule and I had tos cream at the florist. I love to be in charge of the program, a little more practice and experience could get me to make more of my own decisions. Like, I didn’t know if it is better to have the dishes served before or after a program and all. Only people who have experienced it could make that decision.
I was the emcee for the night, on short notice and I was making a fuss out of it while preparing the dinner time table. But that’s just me being me. On such short notice I had to say “what, who? Me? I cant lah”. But actually I can. The last time I was an emcee for the anniversary charity dinner, it was a disaster. I’ve been traumatized ever since, exaggeratively. But I like speaking in public. Not cause I’m like some attention whore, cause I’m not. But I’ve been having thoughts of being a host or an emcee as a profession. In Penang or Malaysia of course. I’m not confident enough in Australia. Dad kept hinting me to get PR in Australia. But I;m not sure if I really want to. I understand why he’s asking me to get PR in Australia but it might not be what I want, or where I see myself to be in 5 years from now.
I wanna be in events screaming at people, bossing people around to get projects and events done on schedule. Stressing over stuff like this is actually fun.
Monday, April 19, 2010 @ 2:17 AM
